6. Organization

This isn't an emotional or deep post. Just more of a reminder to myself.

Wow!

Almost one week after the second annual Rocking for Rhinos festival, I am finally ready to update here. Slowly coming back into the real world!

For those that don't know, I am a director for a non-profit rhino conservation organization. But we are not a boring one that knocks on your door while you are trying to eat supper. We understand that it is our generation that will be responsible for either loosing or saving our rhino. So, what do people between the ages of 20 - 30 like to do the best?! Party and bullshit, of course.
So, we decided to throw a large scale, huge, two day festival fusing conservation and entertainment, with all ticket sale profit going directly to rhino conservation and anti poaching initiatives. BOOM.

On the 21st and 22nd of September, we threw our second one, and WOW what a success! With over 1000 people attending, I feel like those two days (and the week leading up to it) didn't even happen. What's my name? Who am I? Do I even have clothes on?

This was a huge up from our previous year of about 300 people attending (not including band members etc), so we were all extremely happy with the outcome. Oppi Koppi, Innebos, and so on... Watch out. We are coming for you ;-).

We had huge bands from all over come, including one from Zimbabwe and one from Mozambique. My favorite act, Wambuseun unfortunately got stuck in Botswana, thus couldn't make it. Next year Wambu!

Our biggest acts were Crash Car Burn, Cutting Jade, and of course; Our Locnville Boys. We also had amazing DJs who ripped it up until 2am every morning.

So, almost a week later, I spent two entire days doing nothing but eating and watching The Simpsons. But, I got bored quickly, so here I am.

One thing I totally learned from this was how important organization is. Meka, one of the other team members was the one who showed me this. It can really change EVERYTHING. Time management goes hand in hand, so thank you Meka!
This can apply to every section of your life - organize things properly, be it a massive festival or just your day, and you will see so many changes!

What else did I learn? Never to drink with film makers (shots shots shots shots!) definitely one of my worst hangovers, thanks Russ & Werner.... But I know as I type this, that this will be a lesson I will be repeating many times - I would take a few drinks with good people & create awesome memories in return for a hangover any day.

As for now, I will be spending my last chilled out day having a braai with friends before we start planning Rocking for Rhinos 2014 all over again tomorrow.

Peace out, Twenties. Time for an ice cold lime and vodka.

5. EGOS.

I thought this one deserved capital letters.

I chose this picture because A, it made me laugh, and B, the majority of A+ grade ego holders I know are male.

I am struggling a lot lately with people & big egos. Where do they come from? Why are big egos so easy to identify? And why are they so hard to puncture?! And, how do we deal with them - stroke them, or ignore them?! And is it an ego, or just really great self esteem?!..... Some of the many questions rattling my brain at the moment.

Now, we all know of one or two people who have large egos (even in this small bush town of ours!!) - some deserved, and some not. To get a big ego, I think you either need to be really good at something (or think you are really good at something), be extremely attractive (to societies standards), or just generally have the idea that you are above average awesome.After a lot of searching, I found a good definition that I agree with of an 'ego';

1. An inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others

2. Your consciousness of your own identity.

Number one signifies how we look at ourselves compared to others. Equal? Above? Below? The Ego will always see themselves as above.

Number two, I think is fuelled by what others tell you, what others think of you, or what you think others think of you.

I had a really good conversation with a local last night, who said that his Dad always taught him that when he meets someone, he should always meet them with a level eye, and base their persona on their actions from there - but always, always treat them like an equal upon meeting.

This is something that Mr. (or Mrs) Big Ego does not do, which I think bothers me the most. I have never met an Ego that treats someone like an equal upon meeting, especially for the first time.

When I think of someone who has a big ego, they are someone who thinks very highly of themselves. This is not a big issue in it's own, as a good self esteem is really healthy. But, when it starts affecting relationships with other people, I think that's where it self esteem and ego separate. We all know how big I am on equality, and this is where my issue with egos come in.

Egos can really stand in the way of a great friendship, relationship, or even something as simple as getting your message across clearly - Mr/Mrs Ego is always concerned about themselves first, and everything else thereafter. Mr/Mrs Ego are often the most judgmental characters, quickly scanning you up or down and deciding whether, based on their quick 3 second judgement, you fit into their world or not.
I am not saying that egos make you a bad person, they area in fact really helpful if they are used to propel you upwards and take full advantage of your talents, or whatever it may be that lead to the ego.

BUT, putting yourself above someone else is never okay, especially based on quick judgements.

I myself have been guilty of holding a big ego when I was younger, but I quickly deflated it when I realized how many friendships I had lost (and how many fake friends I had gained based purely on my ego/persona), how many bad decisions were made in Big Ego mode, and how stupid an ego actually is.

Interestingly enough, my research tells me that often the biggest Ego holders also operate such a big sense of self out of fear. Are they placing all of their eggs in that basked, are they riding so high on this one 'thing' that makes them seem so awesome because they are scared they don't have anything else worthy? Hmmm.

So, when it comes to an Ego vs. Self Esteem, where do you think the two separate? As mentioned, I think that when it starts affecting existing/potential interactions with other people. Self Esteem is a great tool to have, as it really helps you to stand up for yourself, be true to those around you, and be honest in your actions (and we all know that confidence is the sexiest thing a girl can wear!!) but when it becomes hurtful to others, it's time for a reality check.

I am currently learning how to deal with people with big Egos without getting myself in a flurry and wanting to snap them into reality (or down a bottle of wine!!!!). Here are some helpful tools and tricks I have come across that help to lower their sense of self while communicating.

• Remove the pedestal in your own mind; They are human like you, no matter what they insist :)
• Distraction (I love this one!!). When they are telling or showing you the height of their 'amazingness',  naturally lead into a subject that is neutral, where you have a level playing field. If their achievement is one that is worth being praised for, definitely give due praise, but don't make it the only thing that matters, because it isn't.
• Whatever you do, don't overly stroke it. As I say, give praise when it is due, but no matter how much they try to get it from you, puppy dog tactics will not show them that they are on your level, but will instead give them a boost.
• Challenge the person, and not their position. This is a great tool that has really worked for me; Don't challenge their position, as tempting as it is! Rather challenge (if need be) the actual message instead of the place it comes from.

Dealing with Mr/Mrs Ego can be an overwhelming and an often draining experience, but with the right tools, they can be easily tamed. But always remember, regardless of what 'playing field' you are in, you have everything you need inside you to impress or dazzle the hell out of anyone - sans ego!! The secret?

BE YOURSELF, and OWN IT!
No one can possibly beat that.

4. Comparison is our own worst enemy.

With all of the social media around today, it is so easy to scroll through your Face Book, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr newsfeed and immerse yourself in other people's lives.
Instead of creating our own stories, and actively participating in life, many of us rather (unconsciously) choose to sit on the couch and watch the Kardashians, the Snookis, the Made in Chelseas do amazing, crazy, outrageous, sometimes cringe worthy things. We watch them make good choices and stupid mistakes, and involve ourselves in their lives through television instead of doing these things, and benefiting from the experiences, ourselves.

Now, what this also opens up is a whole can of 'comparison' worms. Scrolling through all the different types of media newsfeeds, it's very easy to get carried away in other people's lives. Seeing a picture of a girl you think is just gorgeous, seeing the amazing travel photographs of people you went to school with, hearing about a great new job a relative got, a raging party you missed out on, a once in a lifetime travel opportunity your friend was given.... All the while comparing yourself and your life to that person. Sometimes your subconscious does it, and sometimes it is much more apparent.

Do you ever leave your computer, or your Face Book app, feeling a little empty or just plain defeated? That could be a warning sign that you are being sucked in by it all.

Regardless of what people post on Face Book (or other social media) you have to remember that 99% of people ONLY POST THE GOOD THINGS in their life. And, the 1% that rants on about the bad is just plain annoying!
We never know what goes on behind closed doors (or in this case, computer screens) so comparing your life to your friend/relative's online persona will not do you any just.

The only person worth comparing yourself to is you, yesterday. Are you better today? Have you done one thing to make yourself a better human being today? Are you better than you were yesterday? How have you improved?

You are the only one you should be in competition with. Each person on this Earth has a different story, a different set of circumstances. Comparing yourself to someone else is void. You can only be compared to yourself, because you are entirely UNIQUE, special, and different to every other person out there. If you are upset because someone else is achieving what you want to, you know what? Tough luck. You are the ONLY person that can make your dreams come true. Combining hard work, determination and dedication will get you where you need to be.
And you know what? Watching other people on television live their lives in outrageous ways is certainly not going to get you anywhere. That hour spent on the couch could have put you an hour in the direction of your goal.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely a sucker of the 'love to hate' reality television and have (numerous times) spent many Sundays watching back to back episodes. But at the end of it all, I sigh, and realize that although I just watched these human beings achieve amazing things, I am still in exactly the same place - on the couch, in my pajamas, with chocolate on my face.

If you want to compare yourself to anyone, compare yourself to you. You, and only you are control where you end up in life. There are definitely times where it may seem that everything is out of your control, but how you react is one thing that can never be taken away from you.

Work hard to achieve your dreams, and soon you will have something cool to post on Face Book too.

3. Integrity. 

I sincerely love this saying. I stumbled across it last night, and have decided to really make a conscious effort to live this way everyday. It's so easy to get stuck into gossip and rumors, especially if you or someone you care about was personally involved in the situation at hand - I know I am definitely guilty of this!

As tempting as it is, and as temporarily gratifying as it sometimes can be to say something mean about someone behind their back, or go along with a rumor, we need to really work hard to understand that actually, each person has their reason for acting how they did. Everyone has a story, and this is sometimes the hardest thing to understand. As easy as it is to forget about others, and focus on our own life journey, we need to pay attention to the fact that each person we meet could be facing a harder battle.

I'm not saying be best friends with the person who slept with your boyfriend, I am saying take a breath, a step back, and assess the situation for what it is. I know you're hurting, but look at it from the outside - Is it really her fault? Did your partner not make the conscious decision to be part of it too? It's much easier to blame acts like this on the 'interfering' side, but in reality, it takes two to tango. It might help to make you feel better to slander names against her, and maybe some of them might be fitting, but does that help the situation? What lesson can you get out of this? Is it perhaps the universe telling you he's not 'the one'??......
At the end of it all, do you want to be seen on the same level? Or do you want to be seen as the one with integrity and class? If it must be said, take your pillow and hash it out in private.

One of the greater lessons in is one of karma; Your words are bodyless actions. What you tell yourself, and say to others, manifests into true form. Would you want someone to say those things about you?

Each day, try to make a conscious decision to become a better person. Anything makes a difference to your aura, be it simply saying 'hello' to the cashier and asking them about their day, leaving your small change in a donation box, really listening to a friend having a problem (not just pretending to!) or sincerely thanking someone for something they have done for you.

Your life is your legacy. How you are remembered will be reflected in your actions, your words uttered, how you make others feel, and your thoughts provoked. Make sure your legacy is one worth speaking about in an inspirational, motivational and passionate way.

2. Don't Chase People.

I recently had an argument with a good friend of mine. Afterwards, my first instinct was to bug her and push her until she replied to my messages/texts etc. Why wasn't she? Maybe if I text once more she will reply? I texted once or twice, then decided to take a step back and let her have her space. She would come when she was ready.

As humans, and especially as females, we have this wonderful way of justifying things. We can always come up with reasons why, or why not. But I am beginning to learn that deep down, we always know the truth. People come in and out of our lives for reasons - either to teach us something, or for us to teach them something. Some will stay, and some will go. There's a really fab saying - don't be sad it's over. Be grateful it happened. What lessons came out of it? In my case - I learned a bit about my personal control levels.

This can apply to friends, boyfriends, colleges, anything.

Whatever you do - don't chase people. If they want to be in your life, if they are right to be in your life, they will be. If you have to chase after them and convince them that you are a good person, or a fun person (whatever the case may be) they are not supposed to be in your life. Let things happen naturally, and know when to walk away. Give people space; The universe will align you if you need to be intertwined.

"Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people, the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you- and stay.' - Will Smith.

1. 'I know it all'.

At our end of year dance, 2006. I think only one of us had a date here!

When I graduated from high school in 2007, I legitimately thought I had it all worked out. I thought I was streams above others, who were still wondering who, what, where and why. I at least had a general idea of where I would go, what I would do, and how I would contribute to the world. I never understood people saying that your 20's would be your time of 'self discovery', of finding out who you truly are. Pfft. I already knew, and I was only 17! I must have been special.

I had flashing images of Africa, of a life helping animals and being involved in different cultures. Of exploration, adventure, of love. I had excitement in heart of swimming with dolphins, climbing Mt. Everest, being a pirate, discovering a new species, digging for our ancestors, writing a book, being an actress, of changing the world. A real thought of how easy it would all be! Extremely heightened optimism, one may call it.

Add 3 years of partying, drinking, making friends and loosing them, dating and hating, love, fights, and a university degree, and I was suddenly brought to a screeching halt with a reputation that I really didn't like
.
A friend of mine and I had moved into a flat late 2010 with a few girls who we thought were absolutely fabulous friends.Life was great - I was working for a popular radio station (along with 5 other jobs), had an older 'cool' boyfriend (who was cheating on me) and thought I was headed for the big time.
 Most of us had a few things in common - socializing, boys, the gym, and drinking. Now, this combination does not work out very well. As we were all within the same extended circle, we suddenly found ourselves in a war - my friend and I vs two others and their entire group. It got so bad that they had discussed breaking into our rooms and stealing things while we were out, that they would 'shoot us' and see if we still thought we were hot, and were discussing plans to add ingredients into our smoothies to make us fat. Really petty things now that I think back about it, but at the time hearing about it really hurt. They would smile to our faces and spit behind out backs.

For some reason, with all this going on behind closed doors, we all thought it would be a fab idea to all go to New Zealand's most fantastic New Years Eve party together - 6 hours away. We all camped together, but from the start my friend and I could feel tension building. I think it's because their two worlds collided - the one where they were smiling to us when no one was around, and suddenly, when we were surrounded by our extended 'friends' the other world emerged.
 I'm not at all suggesting my friend and I were completely innocent, but the reason for it all was actually my friend's personal business and involved no one else except her and her then boyfriend. It ended in a physical fight between my friend and one of the meaner girls, and we promptly left the scene and proceeded to move out immediately to ensure no further harm was done to her. The rest is history, and I've long forgotten the details - they just don't matter anymore.

What it showed me though, was that somewhere along this 3 year line, I had lost my vision, happiness, optimism. I had become a shell of my former self, only applying layers of what I thought people wanted me to be. Friends from that era will remember me being a very over the top 'happy' person, but at the drop of the hat, I could turn upset, depressed and manic.

Why? Upon contemplating 'woe is me' at a Bon Jovi concert, I suddenly got a slap in the face from reality - This was because I had NO idea who I was! Despite my utmost confidence and belief that I had already had my life sorted out, I was suddenly shocked to realize I didn't know this person engulfing me. I didn't have morals or values because I didn't know who I was, what morals or values I wanted. So, I adapted depending on who I was around, constantly changing to suit other people, and NEVER being my true self.
I then proceeded to make one of the best decisions I ever had, it changed my life immensely. I decided to complete my last semester of university in South Africa. Within a matter of weeks, I left my life in New Zealand and jumped into a brand new world. I didn't know anyone except my family there, and I went with a goal to be true to myself and nothing more. The little light inside me that was so close to being flushed out suddenly grew warm and bright. I was 20.

Now, at age 23 , I sit at a round table with the same laptop that furiously typed out communication assignments within minutes of deadlines and deleted pictures I didn't want people to see. But, instead of concrete walls and cars rushing by, I am sitting in the middle of a warm game reserve in Southern Africa. Surrounded by wildlife seen in the lion king instead of humans, and with the nearest town about 30 minutes away (and the nearest city 2+ hours away), I have been blessed with time to contemplate exactly what this life means; Why we are here, why we have each been given what we have. What we can contribute to this world, and to ourselves.

Lesson number one for me in my twenties is to never believe you know it all. No matter what your plans are, they can and most likely will ALWAYS change. You need to be prepared to be able to adapt without conflict and drama. When we are young and free, with our lives ahead of us at age 17, we quickly fail to think about just exactly how we are going to do this. Breath. Believe in yourself. You will get there with patience, kindness and determination.

Baby sitting an orphaned rhino calf in South Africa.